Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Faceturbation & my long downward spiral into metrosexual hell

It's not easy to admit. To come out of the closet, so to speak. To come clean with what you've denied not only to yourself, but to others.

I... am a closet metrosexual.

There. I've said it.

Now let me explain. I've always thought of my self as a regular pudgy suburbanite. Oh sure, I've been known to wear the occasional striped shirt, but aside from that, nothing out of the ordinary.

However, over the past months I've been finding myself increasingly obsessed with the quest for the perfect shave. And had I any idea how far it would lead me, well, I may have opted to go all unix-beard on everyone and call it a day! But alas, I didn't and so begins my story.

It's worth noting that at some point in the not-so-distant past, the techno-geek within me kicked this off. The M3Power razor launched and I thought, hey, technology put to use! why not? And with that, I was on the $15-per-4-pack cartridge refill treadmill.

Sometime later, I discovered Weldon Barber, a coup de cheveux a la metrosexuelle if ever there was one.

While at Weldon Barber, I was turned on to Sharps Kid Glove Shave Gel, and my days with the gel-to-foam crap from the corner store were done.

The whole time I am beginning this dangerous descent, I was listening to the DSC on my commutes, and Adam Curry's talking shaving during his "metrosexual moment", and several people leave comments singing the praises of sugar scrub so off I go.

Turns out that I find some at Trader Joe's while doing my groceries. So now, holy mackerel, I'm not only exfoliating, fer cryin out loud, I'm doing so with something that leaves me smelling of almond oil and tangerines - and that's before I even shave! For what it's worth though, this was an AWESOME purchase. I'm assuming shaving oil does the same thing - basically lubricates the face for the razor to glide over it easily - but man what a difference.

Also mentioned on the show was the new Fusion four-blades-and-if-that-wasnt-enough-theres-a-fifth-on-the-back, razor. This I found disappointing. While it shaves closer, it's more at the expense of taking off skin in order to get there. Used up the razors that came with it but probably won't buy more.

Now, I don't know what happened after that, but at some point, I was referred to ShaveBlog. BTW, Mark mentioned shaveblog in his blog today, which inspired this post.

Discovering Shaveblog was similar for me to when I went shopping for BBQ's a couple years back for the one I built in the back yard in portland. There was a moment when I discovered that the $1000 price where the high-end Home Depot grills were topped out, was in fact the starting point for a WHOLE OTHER WORLD of bbq's in specialty shops and such.

First, it led to me switching from the Sharps to a proper shaving brush and old-school shaving soap.

And most recently, I picked up an adjustable double edge safety razor. $60 seems like a lot, but compared to the Fusion's $20 per refill pack, it's not extravagant.

Shaving now is a major undertaking (bad), riskier for cuts (bad), way more comfortable afterward (no redness, burning, etc - good), and the shave is the closest ever (good). As Shaveblog points out, this leads to the risk of faceturbation - not being able to resist groping one's own face for hours afterward.

Where will it end? I can't say. I'm already thinking of ordering some NancyBoy shave cream, and am thinking about higher-end blades for the DE.

Not to mention the aura of metrosexual machismo surrounding the idea of going to a straight razor.

Anyone know of a twelve-step program? Maybe a twelve-blade program? Help!

3 comments:

Mark said...

oh you are so going to get me into trouble with all those links. I can see it coming.
:)

John Stark said...

Kim - you are gay (not that that is a bad thing)... but still, you are gay. Next thing you know you will be loofa-ing off the backhair and bumps and going for a seaweed wrap. Men are meant to look rough - knicks and scrapes are part of the deal and you should wear them with pride - man pride! Plus, chicks dig it. At least I think they do? At least I think my wife does?! Who the hell am I kidding, I have no idea what women want - but I do know they do not like guys who are better groomed and have a deeper knowledge of ex-foliants than they do...
I reckon you hardly have to shave at all... look at that girly-mannish face on your blog picture... and where, exactly, do you find the time to apply all these new found pre-shave-oils and scrubs prior to actually shaving? Have you magically created extra time in the morning? Better not be cutting into your "shooting stuff on a computer time"... that would be bad.

garyh said...

heh...that shaveblog seems contageous. The Tea Leaves blog I also read had a post mirroring yours a few months ago.

http://www.tgr.com/weblog/archives/000532.html

Me, I'm not sure an extra few minutes in the morning is worth a few hours of smooth skin.